Brands, Events, People

Hurley v O’Connell by Geoff Lloyd

September 10th, 2008

Posted By adam

Before the first, inevitable drop of blood is spilled, may I congratulate both Helen and Christian for giving us this blog’s only true water cooler moment so far. From the vantage point of my sickbed, I’m envisaging battle lines being drawn throughout the building; DJs divided, sales execs segregated, middle-manager turning against middle-manager.

In one corner, the hawkish, self-styled “O.C.”, who, having doubtlessly poured his very soul into this new tome, feels aggrieved at having his lovingly wrought handiwork besmirched here in his supposed heartlands.

In the other, Helen Hurley, a headstrong, intelligent lawyer who has devoted her professional life to defending the weak and seeking justice for the downtrodden. In corporate law. The moral high ground just turned to quicksand there, Helen.

Hurley threw the first punch, raining a brutal mauling on Christian’s broad-brushstrokes spin on the battle-of-the-sexes. Was it justified? Is ‘The Men Commandments‘ really intended as a blueprint for the modern man? A ‘Das Kapital‘ for neo-blokeism? Or is it merely a lovingly put-together print version of Christian’s radio stock-in-trade: A celebration of what’s on the mind of the man-in-the-street/pub/van, distilled and imbued with O’Connell’s knockabout humour?

As a (flawed) feminist, I fully agree with the point Helen makes: That western society (with the possible exception of the Nordic countries) is still horribly patriarchal and to pretend otherwise is at best blinkered and at worst outright sexist. The upward trajectory of the line on the graph through the past century from Mrs Pankhurst took a sharp hit with laddism, and has never really recovered; flat-lining since roughly Abi Titmuss’s first Nuts magazine topless photoshoot.

The question is does ‘The Men Commandments‘ have any part to play in this? Does it thicken the fog of ignorance? Is there a genuine danger in the barstool wisdom, armchair ranting and familiar slice-of-life caricatures that have made rich men of the likes of Jeremy Clarkson and Peter Kay, and with whom Christian will jostle to fill stockings this Xmas?

Christian’s retribution was merciless. It may be of note that it was posted late-afternoon, possibly as he emerged from a nap. His response brings to mind a hungry bear prematurely woken from its hibernation, growling loudly and swiping in all directions. His words are atypically angry and imprecise as he rises to the bait.

Like an angry music fan on the Melody Maker’s letters page, he tears the review to shreds, his opening gambit being to question whether Helen has fallen prey to some kind of literary version of Stockholm Syndrome, and is now actually in love with her tormentor, ‘The Men Commandments’. He briefly lightens the mood with an acerbic joke, recalling Joan Crawford’s exchanges with Bette Davis, before landing the killer blow: Helen is unique for her gender in her dislike of ‘The Men Commandments’. All other women like it.

Helen is immediately cast as a lone voice in the wilderness. The Loose Women, Cat MacDonald and Clare Baker are all in one, cool gang. She isn’t. She is a pariah. Even Mrs Dickens has read it in its entirety. (Oi, Christian! Fancy handing out freebie copies to the boss’s wife when your DJ pals here at the coalface haven’t had one yet! You old player, you… )

Seeing his opponent squirming on the floor, O’Connell offers a brief truce, graciously agreeing to disagree, but then the red mist of fury rises again and POW! The Queensbury rules are right out of the window and he aims a vicious kick well below the belt with the now infamous ‘husband’ line.

Ever the salesman, he ends with a plug for the book and a quote from Britain’s best selling newspaper, and scourge of sexual deviants everywhere, The News of the World.

Whose side are you on? Christian understandably feels hurt that something he has laboured over for a long time, cares about, and is proud of has been disloyally savaged on his home territory. Helen used an uncensored, open forum where honest opinion is encouraged, to comment on something she felt was pertinent to us all here at One Golden Square. She didn’t hold back and found herself on the end of a stinging personal attack.

Like my beloved Sweden, I’m staying neutral. One thing’s for sure: I’ll certainly be borrowing a copy of ‘The Men Commandments’ from my local lending library to see what all the fuss is about. Have I just stumbled upon something there? Now that this blog is read by thousands, and under the intense media scrutiny of the Digital Spy Radio Forum and MediaGuardian’s Monkey Column, could this whole slanging match be a giant stunt? Devised and stage managed by O’Connell himself to drum up a bit of controversy around the publication date? With Hurley taking a dive for a bung?

It’s certainly a good conspiracy theory. After all, there’s no such thing as bad publicity… (although I’m sure Gary Glitter would beg to differ.)

Geoff

7 Comments

  1. Ben Matthew,
    September 10th, 2008 at 11:32 am:

    Very good post geoff! I’m going with your consipracy theory. I reckon a large envelope of cash made it’s way through the internal mail to persuade Helen to write such an acidic review for PR purposes.

    One thing I have disagree with though. Not sure that the principal motivations of a lawyer is to “defend the weak” and “seek justice for the downtrodden”. “Make a huge bundle of cash by exploiting the misery of others” would be more apt in my opinion.


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  2. Marty from new yawk,
    September 10th, 2008 at 12:18 pm:

    Is it possible for Christian to wrestle Helen in a steel cage in Golden Square Garden?


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  3. Christian,
    September 10th, 2008 at 12:44 pm:

    Hello

    Firstly, get well soon Geoff, the illness fortunatley hasn’t affected the blogging

    Now, after a restless nights sleep I’m able to recover from the mugging to be honest I received right here in my own home. Shocked and stunned. A copy will be in your hole Geoff.

    The book is hopefully a funny with some observations.Not just about women. However The chapter Slugger has issue with is ‘The Genes’. Experts have discovered that there are 78 genetic differences between men and women. I decided to spent a chapter trying to list all of them. Genes in men and those in women. A chapter like this by its conception has very broad observations and yes pigeon holing for it to work. AS A JOKE.

    You are not telling that women dont have a gene where they suddenly feel the urge to drop a conversational bomb shell last thing at night when the lights go out?

    Or that Men have a gene that in some evil few makes them start a Cult. How mnay cults are run by some guy and it often involves the journey to the big one going via his pants?

    THIS IS NOT MEANT TO BE TAKEN AS SOME KIND OF DESMOND MORRIS TOME

    Any observational comedian like Geoff will have to sometimes make a generalisation and assume some kind of shared experience for the bit to work. Otherwise its like pulling the wings off a butterfly to see how it works. I hope to god Hurley is never at a Seinfeld gig and she starts pointing out the inaccuracies in some of the routines.

    Lets be clear, this chapter is one of many. Who for example would you have in a football team of inspirational men, dead or alive, cartoon characters allowed. No actual players.

    What is becomeing clear that this book is the ‘Satanic Verses’ of our times.

    Geoff, if you are still with us and havent gone towards the light, being neutral isn’t an option. Your children and I believe you will have them, will ask what you did Daddy when poor ‘OC’ was attacked before our very blogging eyes.

    The biggest target in the book is men by the way. My follow up with be about a crazed Irish lawyer besotted with a ‘hawkish’ breakfast show sex god. It ends with a smoking gun…fired by Geoff, question is, who does he shoot?

    Christian

    ps

    I will not censor any favourable reviews Geoff nor cast asides at their editorial bent. Unless that slag me or you off. Easy Living magazine have taken me under thier wing and indeed the next issue sees me modeling some er, nana knickers! I’ll get you a copy Helen..


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  4. Christian,
    September 10th, 2008 at 1:15 pm:

    The real shame here is that Davids very genuine and deserved obit has been hijacked be two people here. Naming no names but Geoff and Helen know who im talking about


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  5. Geoff,
    September 10th, 2008 at 2:07 pm:

    This kind of Sean Bean-as-Sharpe ‘Who’s With Me?!’ hectoring holds no sway with me. I’m proud to be a conscientious objector, reviled by both sides, abused and covered in spittle and phlegm in no man’s land.

    In the unlikely even that I’m not infertile, what will I tell those ugly little beasties with the misfortune to share my genes? Where was I when poor ‘OC’ was attacked before our blogging eyes? And when Helen Hurley felt the terrible wrath of his shock and awe revenge campaign?

    I was sitting high on the fence, casting the odd inflammatory remark in either direction, enjoying the view and feasting on the dead flesh like carrion fowl.

    G x

    PS. Louis Pasteur, Martin Luther King Jr, Benny and Björn, Kurt Vonnegut Jr, Wes Anderson, Tycho Brahe, Morrissey, Nye Bevan, Olof Palme and Snufkin. (There are eleven in a football team, aren’t there?)


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  6. Kathy (yep, her again),
    September 11th, 2008 at 7:27 pm:

    Yeah, I’ll go with the conspiracy theory, me. In fact I’ll go with any theory as long as it has “conspiracy” stamped on it in red ink with a giant red stampy thing. And I’ve never even been drunk or stoned.

    I’ll wait till I’ve read a copy of that book, although I will cunningly avoid paying for it so as to thwart the conspiracy, by popping over to Baker Street lost prop’ in a few weeks and claiming I left my copy on the Tube. And nope, sorry Geoff but you’re not getting any royalties either for that one.

    Also, this Gary Glitter obsession is becoming slightly worrying.


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  7. Dave varl,
    September 12th, 2008 at 11:11 pm:

    Here’s a message I posted on yahoo. May i add as a rider..
    i. “Ill” includes, and is not limited to, no internet access and no typing. Abstenece of lower hand-to-joy diesease originating movements is further recommended. Bhajis at hosts discretion.

    Hallo Friends!
    So Geoff’s back on Drivetime and mentioned that it had been offered before. In business terms it amazed me he wasn’t there sooner. Early reports on the break-up reported the duo would continue at virgin in this slot. I love to imagine Pete, stuborn and early, later anger, at that meeting. Having Read “One Golden Square” and Geoff’s non-favorite “Digital Spy” it seems a lot of people still lament the loss pf P&G at breakfast. Rightly so, as a meer non-radio mortal I can confirm that Christian O Connell simply maintained the existing ratings, and to date has generated little audience gain. As much as Rajar would say! Unlike the massive audience increase the boys created. Bitter! yes, I have never listened to Christian as he took away my Pete and Geoff (despite Geoff saying pre takeover he was “a mate”). To me the new boss’s idea that personalities make radio is bang on. Radio is in your head while you do other things, a bit like your thoughts. I drive for my own business, many people comment “saw you in the van, you were laughing your head off, again”. Crazily it gives people a great impression of me and my service. I guess it is hard to look at someone laughing and think negatively! Unless you’re embalming. I’ve gone on enough now, barely touched the proffesional angle I was going for (the reach to shift that “I” seemed wrong!) so I’ll finish by saying I its so great that people love pete and geoff like myself! I only get pete on international trips due to timing- where is a best of Pete “From wherever we’ve put him this week” from the bbc.. Long live the both of them, my life has been enhanced and those who don’t listen who I know have benefitted too from me stealing and recounting their ideas. The Last year breakfast show podcast re-run part III starts in my ears Wednesday. Look forward to it everybody!! I really, actually do!

    Love to y’all (spec Marty- y’all was for you!)
    Dave


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