Merry Christmas Eve Eve to all! Yes, twas the night before the night before Christmas, and all through One Golden Square, not a creature was stirring, except for me trawling the internet for Christmas themed ‘Digital Digest sign off paragraph videos’, and online holiday season facts. I’m still looking as I write this very paragraph. Yes it’s Christmas time once again, and I personally cannot wait because I am one of those losers who pretty much lives for Christmas Day. At this very moment I’m pretty sure I’m actually 95% Starbucks Eggnog Latte. In fact click on that link. Click on that link now. Take a gander at the ‘Did You Know?’ section of that website. Do my eyes deceive me, or are Starbucks claiming that here in the UK we call Eggnog ‘Eggflip’. Egg. Flip. Brilliant, I’ll add that to the list of flat out lies about this country that are currently circulating, somewhere between we all have bad teeth and we all sound like Geoffrey the butler. Anyway, step away from the turkey and grab your eggflips, as we’re about to launch into another Digital Digest.
This week, online (with a Christmas theme)…
SCRAP THAT! I’ve just found this. Hilarious isn’t it! The way that they’ve turned the instantly recognisable Siri beep into a sound that sends a jolt of fear right through your soul! They way that by hook or by crook you just cannot shut her down! The way she stabs a man in the heart!
It’s a documentary, you fools. And I told you it was going to happen. I’ve cancelled Christmas lunch, and I’m off to Tesco to purchase enough supplies to last me for what I think will be a six month duration that is the Siri Apocalypse. It’ll be just like 28 Days Later, except that it won’t be zombies crashing through your skylight, it’ll be commercial airline pilots, jumping to their deaths to escape the onslaught that is a plane full of passengers blindly following their Siri’s advice to break the windows open for a breath of fresh air. If you’re lucky enough to find yourself unwrapping an iPhone 4S on Sunday morning then congratulations, your loved ones have just purchased you a Pandora’s Box of trouble that you do not want to open. Of course, I’m kidding. I would bloody love an iPhone for Christmas. I want to play Grand Theft Auto 3 on the train for a start. But knowing my parents, I’ll probably be receiving a five pack of blank VHS tapes again.
Anyway, digital news!
Britney Spears this week became the first Google+ user to reach 1,000,000 followers. She also has over 15 million facebook followers, and almost 12 million twitter followers. Interestlingly, the only other musician in the top five most followed users is na-na-na-na-naa, the one and only D O Double G. It’s been reported that Google presented Spears with a number of presents to celebrate the reaching of this milestone, namely a platter of meat and a garlic bread braid. Yes, that’s a complete fabrication but I realised that this story wasn’t really going anywhere, so I felt I had to finish it with a gag. How can I make up for this? Well, how about some Christmas cheer? Here’s Snoop Dogg taking Santa Claus straight to the ghetto, and a holiday treat from Google: type ‘Let It Snow’ into the Google search bar…
Other news this week – fingers, who needs them? Not us anymore apparently. Not only did the latest Xbox Live update expand even further upon the voice control technology of the system (I spent all of last Sunday shouting “SKY TV” at my telly, like some sort of angry drunk) but a new report by the BBC earlier this week revealed that Tel Aviv based tech company XTR3D is moving touch-less, motion controlled software into the mobile phone market. Using a mixture of facial recognition and voice activated controls, our own fingers may become a thing of the past. Perhaps, in the down time that our digits can now take, you might want to keep them active via other means – and before you finish that sentence with some smut riddled responses, here’s a few examples of what I mean. Maybe take up fingerboarding? Finger puppetry maybe? Failing that, sign them up for a life of terrorist activities or turn them into the living dead.
I’ve prattled on for quite a while there, so App of the week will quite simply go to the brand new Absolute Radio apps. Like Pokemon, you’ve got to catch them all. Listen to our station in glorious high quality, wherever you are, whenever you are!
Thats it for the final digital digest before Christmas… Time for the good stuff. I leave you with Santa like you’ve never seen him before (he’s Santa and he knows it), the most awesome Christmas fails and pranks ever (there’s nothing like ruining a child’s Christmas is there?), some dogs barking Jingle Bells, and finally (it’s an oldie) two quite excitable children on Christmas morning.
My Mum and Dad put a Wii made out of Lego in a Nintendo 64 box, so I was both disappointed yet ecstatic in equal measure.
Merry Christmas to all, and to all a goodnight.
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